Having a random hookup so left but love u
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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