so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
