Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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