The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
