I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
