Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
