What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
