Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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