walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
