My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
