smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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