I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
id be glad to
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
