Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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