Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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