Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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