Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
