I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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