dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
