You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
