After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
