Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
