dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
