saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
