I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
