My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
