I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
