Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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