I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
