I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
