just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
