you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I wear drunk well.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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