White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
