no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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