yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
