haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
