Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
