So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
