I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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