ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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