Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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