Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
