u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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