I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
