Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
