i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
