Umm I'm too high to move.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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