Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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