Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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