girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
