so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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