It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
this boner is exhausting
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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