Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
