i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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