we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
