i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
